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TEN WAYS TO STOP THE U.S. PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION FROM DESTROYING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
CONTRIBUTOR: Deborah Smith Pegues Bestselling Author/Communications Strategist
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You support presidential candidate X and some of your Friends, Relatives, Associates, Neighbors (“F.R.A.N.s”) and others in your circle of significant relationships support candidate Y. You are passionate about X’s platform and really wish that your opposing F.R.A.N.s would see the error in their judgement and get on board with the “right” candidate. Of course, your F.R.A.N.s feel the same way and hope that you will soon see the light. The stage is set for strained or permanently damaged relationships.
Although conventional wisdom warns us to steer clear of talking politics or religion in certain settings, the upcoming presidential election begs to be discussed, debated, and even decried. USA voters must choose between two controversial, polarizing candidates. When I found myself—a relatively non-passionate Independent― at odds with some of my F.R.A.N.s simply for acknowledging the milestone of a major party nominating a woman for the presidency, I knew it was time to reach out to the nation, time to propose a major shift in how we manage ourselves and our relationships during the election process.
I should warn you that I’m prone to referencing the ancient wisdom found in the Scriptures in my effort to bridge the divide between opposing parties. Not to worry, this is not a proselytizing article, but an attempt to help you survive the election process with your significant relationships intact. I’ve pondered and prayed about the following guidelines long and hard―I respect your right to reject any or all of them―so here goes:
1. Do not marry a political party. Stay loyal to the issues you care about and vote for the candidate who will best address them. Look at the heart and history of each candidate.
2. Do not attack a F.R.A.N.’s judgement for supporting the opposing candidate. Resist making (or implying) statements such as, “Only an idiot would support candidate Y” or “I can’t understand how you could vote for Y who has done (bad thing)!” Must you really understand someone’s decision? Political choices are personal. Nothing cuts deeper and is more infuriating, off-putting, and alienating than to have someone devalue and disrespect one’s heartfelt choice. If you absolutely must have an outlet for discussing your outrage for Y, find a like-minded group to do it with. Don’t subject your spouse and family to political rants.
3. Do not get on a moral “high horse” because you are more conservative. I’ve seen some self-proclaimed “Spirit-filled” Christians bash, denigrate, and spread unproven gossip about each candidate. Newsflash! The candidate you think is most evil or unfit just may be God’s choice. Remember that in the Bible, God often allowed evil leaders to come into power in order to bring judgement on His rebellious people—and to bring them back into right relationship with Him (e.g., 2 Kings 20:17–18, Daniel 1-4). As a nation, we have strayed far away from God’s principles of love, justice, holiness, and other mandates. He is Sovereign and His purpose will be fulfilled; explaining this is beyond the scope of this article―and my own understanding.
4. Do not be a political hypocrite. Be careful about casting stones at Candidate Y for breaking #6 and #7 of the Ten Commandments while conveniently forgetting that Candidate X brazenly broke #8 and #9 (figuratively speaking; not a direct reference). According to Scripture, all wrongdoing is sin (1 John 5:17)—and there is no ranking of which ones are worse than others.
5. Do not ridicule a F.R.A.N. for not being well informed. Although you may know where each candidate stands on key issues, some F.R.A.N.s may not be able to articulate the major elements of Y’s platform or may be misinformed about X’s stance on troubling issues― and therefore may appear “ignorant” and undeserving of credibility. Let mercy prevail. Consider that even the info you have obtained may have been manipulated by the media.
6. Address accusations of candidates’ lies and misrepresentations with facts versus emotions. You can fact-check claims made by candidates during speeches, campaign ads, debates, interviews, and other media involvement by referring to FactCheck.org, a non-partisan, non-profit organization dedicated to “reducing the level of deception and confusion in U.S. politics”. Check the site before your next discussion with the F.R.A.N. who normally tries to discredit your candidate for their supposed lies and inconsistencies.
7. Do not go overboard in praising your candidate in the presence of your F.R.A.N.s. Of course, an accolade for X is not a strike against Y―and vice versa. Notwithstanding, when your F.R.A.N. is a strong supporter of Y, be sensitive to overly praising X’s achievements. It’s human nature to compare opponents and your F.R.A.N. may suspect that you have manipulative motives for your enthusiastic compliments of X. As Dale Carnegie said, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” Apostle Paul said it even better, “...Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.” (Romans 14:5).
8. Conclude all political discussions with an opposing F.R.A.N. amicably. “Whoever wins the election is going to be our president, and I’m committed to praying for that person as God commands us to.” This is spiritual and emotional and maturity at its best.
9. If political zeal (yours or your F.R.A.N.’s) has already had a negative impact on your relationship, make the first step toward reconciliation. Apologize. “I’m sorry that my zeal caused me to respond so passionately (or angrily). Please forgive me. I value our relationship more than political opinions. I respect your stance and hope that you will respect mine.”
10. Do not gloat if your candidate wins. This is not a sign that you are more spiritual or that you “heard from God” and your opposing F.R.A.N. did not. This is an election. Some people will feel that God led them to vote for X and others will feel He led them to vote for Y. The winner is simply God’s choice for His divine purpose. “For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God” (Romans 13:1).
Hopefully, these simple guidelines will help you come out of the election process with your significant relationships unscathed.Remember presidential terms are not forever; in four to eight years, Candidate X or Candidate Y will be long gone. When the dust settles, where do you want to stand with your Friends, Relatives, Associates, Neighbors, and other significant relationships? Will you sacrifice them on the altar of political opinion? It’s up to you to keep them from becoming election campaign casualties!